This was supposed to be a fuss-free, simple thing that keeps me happy because there's a place for my frustrations to go.
But now, it's become so complicated that even I myself need to to rethink it.
I don't want to let go, but I can feel myself slipping back into that mode that I have tried so hard to get out of for the past 6 months. And another thing is that I don't trust him. This thing has gone way beyond the pre-defined boundaries and I don't know how to sort it out. Even he doesn't know what he wants.
BFF is right. We need a time out, and I hope I have the courage to walk away from it if things don't work out.
Sometimes, I wonder, what do i really want? I don't know, but what i do know is that I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want people to run away from me again. I'd rather do the running.
I need more time.
On the up side, because this is screwing around with my mind, J hasn't made his round to my mind for a few days. Maybe, at the end of it, I'd just miss the presence of another companion, and not him anymore.
Why is it so difficult to move on?
- conflicted again